It's hard to believe that 5 years ago I was faced with the fear that no mother should ever have to endure. I was sent in for a sonogram at my routine check up because I demanded something was not right. Something had not been right for 2 months but the other doctor just passed it off. Nothing like being left in the room while the sonogram person went to go consult with the other doctor, then being told I had to go to my obgyn. Driving through tears only to be told when I got there my baby was not doing well in-utero and he needed to be delivered today. Today just shy of 35 weeks. You see he had not grown, there was no fetal movement but his heart was still strong. While they pumped me with fluids and consulted with the hospitals in Baltimore. I finally settled into the ambulance. Half way there his heart rate dropped and he was in serious distress. We were detoured to another hospital and once arriving we were told they could not accept us due to no room. What! We were then diverted to Hopkins.
In the mist of all this I must admit I had completely detached my self from the situation. I was planning my sons funeral and how to get rid of all the stuff I had for him, I didn't want the reminder. 47 minutes after arriving I delivered a 3lb 4oz 15 inches long baby boy naturally. With the stress I went into labor on my own. His name would be Logan.
Logan you have taken me to realms I could never have imagined. Some of them good some of them bad. It's been frustrating and challenging to say the least. But through all that you've brought us laughter, a new perspective, joy and love.
I never thought I had the strength to get to where we are but you made me prove to myself otherwise.
For now I just want to enjoy the snuggles, the hugs and kisses, the I love yous and your excitement and adventure for anything new. Just know I that I will love you forever and always.
