Crossroads

Sometimes you feel like life has led you to the crossroads.

You have options. You could go straight, left, right or return in the direction you came from.

I can see security making us want to turn around and go back. It is what we know, what we are comfortable with. It’s the fear of the unknown that makes us hesitate. You see this is were I am at this point of my life. I’m at the crossroads. I’ve got my foot in the air to make a move but I’m hesitant, I’m scared, I’m terrified of uncertainty. This requires me to step outside of my comfort zone and I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve always lacked confidence in being able to complete anything. I get gunghoo into doing something new then I get scared and turn and run away with my tail between my legs.

The economy has got me scared to death. I wasn’t scared when it tanked the first time. I was blissfully ignorant. But having watched it and people suffer through it, it really scares me now. I’m in construction, my husband is in construction and I am far from feeling confident. This feeling has just snuck up on me the last couple of months. It’s all I can think about. I am loosing sleep over this. I know it’s anxiety but I don’t want to go on medicine for it. What bothers me the most is the unknown. If I had a plan “B” I’d probably feel better than I do now. But what is plan “B”. I am first and foremost a mother. I need to protect my cubs. Make sure they have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies above all else.

I’ve stepped into a plan “B” so to speak but I have yet to get going and get fired up. I doubt myself. I am just so stuck in the mud right now.  Can I do this?

Bethany Beach

Well we survived our much needed vacation.  I must say that this is one vacation I was desperate for.  I needed to get away and decompress like never before.  With work slowing down and nothing on the horizon has gotten me a little tense to say the least.  I finally let go on Sunday and just enjoyed our vacation.  

Bethany Beach, DE

I chose Bethany Beach to get the best of both worlds.  We could go to Bethany with the ocean or we could drive on up to Lewes and go in the bay.  So we could have waves one day and calm waters the next.  That is exactly what we did.  The ocean had some waves.  Especially the last day they were rough. 

Catching waves at Bethany

Autumn

Logan

Can we say plumbers crack?

Lewes, DE was awesome for the kids.  You could walk out quite far and didn't have to worry about a wave talking one of them out.  We watched the Cap May Lewes Ferry come and go many times while we were there.  We never did decide to do it.  Maybe another time.

Lewes, DE

The second time we were there the tide was out and there were sandbars for the kids to play on.

He was so proud of his new board.

It wouldn't be complete without a visit to the boardwalk to go to Playland now would it.  We went to Rehoboth boardwalk and not O.C.  It was cheaper and less wild.  We actually went back the last night we were there.  It was suppose to rain and the kid wanted to go so why not.  It was poring outside and there was hardly anyone inside.

The last day there we went back to Bethany and it was brutal that day.

The kids really wanted to try out their new boards that day but the waves had other ideas.  The were able to use them a little bit just not as much as they wanted.

Trying to use all our tickets.

While driving and looking for a place to eat dinner we saw a double rainbow.  You can kind of see the second one above the other one.  That was pretty cool to see.  

All in all we had a great time.  I wouldn't have minded staying longer but we must return to reality and the bump and grind.  

Park Quest Update

Well the summer is just flying by!  A little over a month into our Park Quest we have completed 7.  Most of the parks we have visited I have never been to before.  I don't know about the kids but I myself have learned quite a bit.  

Last week we visited Dan's Mountain near Frostburg, MD.  This is a park that is definitely tucked away and had it not been on the list of parks with quests I don't think I ever would have gone.  We trekked through the woods for our quest all the while I was thinking of "lions and tigers and bears, oh my".  We saw some suspicious tracks but I cared not to dwell on them and just make as much noise as we possibly could plus it was really hot that day.

After we were done our quest we headed into Lavale for lunch and then we headed back to Dan's mountain because they have a pool.  It wasn't as crowded as I thought it was going to be and the water was cool so that's all that mattered on a 95+ degree day.  The pool wasn't your typical chlorine pool.  It was salt water with just a small hint of chlorine which was nice.  You didn't leave with your eyes burning and smelling like it.

It had two water slides but I didn't think Logan was ready to do it yet.  I couldn't have one do it and not the other.

Can I just say they crack me up with their goggles on.

Doesn't she just look uncomfortable?

He's were so loose I'm surprised they stayed on.

Now I have to decided which one we will conquer tomorrow.  It's suppose to be another scorcher tomorrow as well.  To bad all the parks don't have pools.

Goodbye Kindergarten

Today Logan had his kindergarten graduation.  I knew this day was coming but still it was bittersweet.  While Rob and I made the decision a couple of months ago to put him into the public school system I wondered today if we were making the right decision.   Here is a school that has turned into a second family.  All the students and teachers know each other on a level you can just never achieve in the public school.  The closeness with the students he developed and I wondered should he stay.  I still think it will be better for him to move on but maybe my doubt is part of the unknown in how he will succeed with a larger class size and more distraction.  The Christian school has helped shape him with respect and responsibility and I can only hope that we can keep that moving forward.  

The graduating class of 2012

He received an award for social studies, outstanding improvement in reading, library award - Fruit of the Spirit Joy, Music, math achievement, counting and number recognition and a leadership award.

Here he is getting his diploma.

How does this picture not make you smile?  

We had a picnic lunch afterwards which was nice.  Autumn and Logan played with the other kids for several hours while I chatted with the teachers and other mothers.  Now the summer officially begins for them.  Friday Fun Days, Park Quest, Sailabration, vacation and YMCA here we come!

Outdoor fun

About 1 month ago I stumbled upon something called Park Quest that the State of Maryland has held for the past several years.

 What it is are certain state parks through the state that are participating in quests.  This year there are 23 parks participating and each one has its own quest.  It is only opend to the first 1000 registrants beginning on May 14th.  I figured this is a great way to get out and be active as well as see parks we wouldn't normally go to. This could be our Friday Fun day activity.  Since we get in for free this will definately save on the wallet. When I registered 30 mintues after it opened online I was already 719.  It filled fast to say the least.  Our passport arrived in the mail the other day and the quests officially start this weekend.  In September they will have a gathering at a park for those that have completed at least 10 of the quests.  I'm excited, I don't know about the kids.  All I can say is it is better then sitting at home.  Let's get out and be active!

Wow!

I can't believe it has been a little over 18 months since I have posted on my blog.  I kept saying I need to post but time just got away from me.  Stay tuned.  I have lots going on.

Happy 5th Birthday Logan

It's hard to believe that 5 years ago I was faced with the fear that no mother should ever have to endure.  I was sent in for a sonogram at my routine check up because I demanded something was not right.  Something had not been right for 2 months but the other doctor just passed it off.  Nothing like being left in the room while the sonogram person went to go consult with the other doctor, then being told I had to go to my obgyn.  Driving through tears only to be told when I got there my baby was not doing well in-utero and he needed to be delivered today. Today just shy of 35 weeks.  You see he had not grown, there was no fetal movement but his heart was still strong.  While they pumped me with fluids and consulted with the hospitals in Baltimore.  I finally settled into the ambulance.  Half way there his heart rate dropped and he was in serious distress.  We were detoured to another hospital and once arriving we were told they could not accept us due to no room.  What!  We were then diverted to Hopkins. 

In the mist of all this I must admit I had completely detached my self from the situation.  I was planning my sons funeral and how to get rid of all the stuff I had for him, I didn't want the reminder.  47 minutes after arriving I delivered a 3lb 4oz 15 inches long baby boy naturally. With the stress I went into labor on my own.  His name would be Logan. 

Logan you have taken me to realms I could never have imagined.  Some of them good some of them bad.  It's been frustrating and challenging to say the least.  But through all that you've brought us laughter, a new perspective, joy and love.

I never thought I had the strength to get to where we are but you made me prove to myself otherwise. 

For now I just want to enjoy the snuggles, the hugs and kisses, the I love yous and your excitement and adventure for anything new.   Just know I that I will love you forever and always.